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MIA

Ok, so I know I’ve been MIA for a few weeks and I apologize. One of the reasons is because we have had back to back camps in and I just haven’t had the time to sit down and blog for any length of time. Another is the fact that I have been bingeing and I didn’t want to tell you. There I said it. It’s out and now I can move on. It’s really hard for me when we have camps in because when I cook up at camp (I live where I work, so camp is like 1/4 mile up the driveway), I eat at camp. I know that’s just an excuse, but it really does matter. I am not about to cook a meal for 125 people and then cook another one for myself! NOT.GOING.TO.HAPPEN. So I eat what I cook. It’s not that what I cook is horrible. For instance one night a week is usually spaghetti night. With garlic toast and salad. Sometimes I do another vegetable, sometimes I don’t. And for dinner meals, there is always a dessert. We usually make brownies with spaghetti. Do you see the issue with this meal? CARBS. They get me every time. I just need to learn that when I have to eat this meal, I MUST learn portion control and limit myself to one (or none) brownie. I might have to go with none. I think the one that gets my whistle wet, so to speak is what gets me in trouble. Once I get the taste for them, I’m in trouble! So maybe none of the trigger items is better than limiting them to one… I’ll figure this out yet. Charging on… xx

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Another bad day…

Had another bad day yesterday. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing when I shovel things (marshmallows) into my face with reckless abandon. It’s like I’m outside my body watching, though…helpless to do anything about it.

I wish I could just go back and erase it. Obviously I can’t. What’s done is done. There is no magic rewind button on life, peeps. No matter how much we would all love there to be.

Hubby brought home pizza last night for dinner. I asked him to because I didn’t feel like cooking. It was good. I can’t blame it on that, though. I had already been spinning out of control before the pizza…

I am doing good so far today. I’ve only had water and it’s almost noon. That will either be really good or really bad. It can set me up for a really good afternoon, where I will do good and only eat when I get hungry or set me up for an afternoon of eating EVERYTHING.I.CAN.GET.MY.HANDS.ON.

Let’s hope and pray for the first, shall we. Let’s hope I don’t have another bad day…

NO. Let’s decide on the first OK?!?! I got this. I am not going to feast on everything. I will only eat at meal times and will only eat enough to fill my stomach and no more! 🙂

serenity-prayer

Wish me luck… xx

Pretzel S’mores

I was having a little night time snack tonight (gluten-free pretzel crisps) and a thought popped into my head….’these would make great s’mores’. So Pretzel S’mores entered into the world….

image

You won’t believe how incredibly easy they are to make. And they only use three ingredients. You also don’t have to make them gluten-free if you don’t want to or don’t need to.

Pretzel S’mores (Click HERE to print recipe)

Stuffs:

  • pretzel crisps (flat pretzel chips)
  • marshmallows
  • flat chocolate bar (like Hershey’s)

Steps:

  1. Put however many pretzel crisps you are using down on a plate.
  2. Place 2 squares of chocolate on each pretzel crisp.
  3. Using a skewer or a marshmallow roaster, roast your marshmallow over a medium fire. I just used my stove for this. You want it to be golden on the outside and warm and squishy on the inside, NOT burnt on the outside and hard on the inside.
  4. Now place your warm, squishy marshmallow on your chocolate and pretzel crisp and add another pretzel to the top.
  5. Allow your pretzel s’mores to sit a couple minutes so the marshmallow can melt your chocolate some.

Now I’m going to warn you. Your chocolate IS going melt through the holes of your pretzel and it’s going to be OK!! It makes it taste better that way and Uuummm, your hands WILL WASH!

These are a HOT mess, but they are so good! Only make enough for one or two each and you won’t have to be worried about over indulging, that’s what I did to make sure I didn’t!

While this isn’t a treat I would have everyday, I think it’s nice to treat yourself to something you enjoy every now and again…

See you soon! xx

Balance

Life is all about balance, people. Finding it can be extremely hard. Right now I am trying to find that perfect balance between the perfect amount (if any) and too much.

Let me explain…

Last night, I had a Pampered Chef party. I could have any type of party I wanted, but the post my friend made on Facebook was about an ice cream sundae themed party, and I’m down with that, so I went with it.

It was a mistake. Granted, I made plans for this party before I came to the conclusion that I had problems with overeating, but it was a mistake nonetheless.

Apparently ice cream with all the toppings you could ever dream of (brownie bits, strawberries, peanuts, pineapple, bananas, chocolate chips, cookie bits, etc) is a trigger for me to want to eat EVERYTHING.ON.THE.PLANET.

Then I came home and my hubby (God love him) made s’mores over the gas stove in the house. 🙂 I did not have s’mores, but I did proceed to eat several marshmallows and some gluten-free cookies that I had on the counter…along with the chocolate bar he didn’t finish.

The stink of it all is that I actually did good with the amount of ice cream I ate!! Which when I think about it, is odd, because ice cream is one of the foods I usually binge on. But I went into it knowing that so I was prepared!

So, yeah… I think I should probably stay away from ice cream for the forseeable future, if not permanently. If I cannot find a good balance, I sill stay away from it altogether.

Lesson learned.

And I’m making a fresh start today. 6.12.15 Day 1! Let’s Do This!

See ya soon…  xx

Honesty

So I took the plunge and opened up to a friend today. I just came out and told her the truth about my ED. It was hard and embarrassing, but I did it. Now she knows. She told me she was glad I was coming to terms with it and getting help. I feel somewhat better knowing that someone else knows now. I told her I felt like I’ve been lying to everyone. Honesty is important to me. She told me she didn’t feel like I had been lying to her. I’m glad about that.

I’m not sure everyone feels that way, though. I mean, I haven’t talked to a lot of people about this yet. I mean all people have to do is read this and HELLO! But I feel like personal conversations are going to have to happen with some people. Maybe not…Am I making too much of this? I think maybe I think this is a bigger deal than it is??

Anyway, honesty…IS a big deal and I feel like I took a big step today. It’s a good day! Day 3 of no binge eating!!  Yay!!

Take care y’all! xx

Day 2

So I feel like this is going pretty well. It’s only day 2, and I don’t want to get too excited or heady because I know it’s going to get rough. There are going to be hard days. I haven’t really had a hard time yet, mostly because there haven’t really been any triggers to speak of the last couple days. Things have been pretty mellow here and also, there isn’t much in the way of junk food that I’m crazy about around, either.

That’s how it always starts out though…I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop…

**crickets**

Talk soon…

xx

This Blog

So this blog isn’t going to really be about recipes and food. I mean, there will be some of that, but that isn’t really going to be the major theme. The major theme of this blog is going to be how I got to where I am and the how’s and why’s. How I got to be a binge eater who cannot control my eating. I just recently realized that I really can’t control what and how much I eat the majority of the time.

For instance, when I make a pan of brownies up at camp…if we have leftovers, when no one is around I will eat them. And I’m not just talking one or two. I’m talking 4-5. At least. I’m embarrassed to admit that, but it’s true. Same thing with cookies, chips, other things. Salty things, sweet things. Those are my go to’s, I guess is what you would call them. Like, snacky sweet and salty things. Ice cream is a huge one. Ugh!

So anyway…before I start thinking about that too much…I just wanted to let y’all know what was going on here. It’s also going to be about my journey back to a healthy relationship with food.

I’m going to keep NowICanEatCake up and running, but I am not going to be blogging there anymore. I just want people to be able to get to my recipes and stuff since I have links to them on Pinterest and that.

See you soon!

Take Care… xoxo