All posts tagged: eating disorder

MIA

Ok, so I know I’ve been MIA for a few weeks and I apologize. One of the reasons is because we have had back to back camps in and I just haven’t had the time to sit down and blog for any length of time. Another is the fact that I have been bingeing and I didn’t want to tell you. There I said it. It’s out and now I can move on. It’s really hard for me when we have camps in because when I cook up at camp (I live where I work, so camp is like 1/4 mile up the driveway), I eat at camp. I know that’s just an excuse, but it really does matter. I am not about to cook a meal for 125 people and then cook another one for myself! NOT.GOING.TO.HAPPEN. So I eat what I cook. It’s not that what I cook is horrible. For instance one night a week is usually spaghetti night. With garlic toast and salad. Sometimes I do another vegetable, sometimes I don’t. And …

Another bad day…

Had another bad day yesterday. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing when I shovel things (marshmallows) into my face with reckless abandon. It’s like I’m outside my body watching, though…helpless to do anything about it. I wish I could just go back and erase it. Obviously I can’t. What’s done is done. There is no magic rewind button on life, peeps. No matter how much we would all love there to be. Hubby brought home pizza last night for dinner. I asked him to because I didn’t feel like cooking. It was good. I can’t blame it on that, though. I had already been spinning out of control before the pizza… I am doing good so far today. I’ve only had water and it’s almost noon. That will either be really good or really bad. It can set me up for a really good afternoon, where I will do good and only eat when I get hungry or set me up for an afternoon of eating EVERYTHING.I.CAN.GET.MY.HANDS.ON. …

Honesty

So I took the plunge and opened up to a friend today. I just came out and told her the truth about my ED. It was hard and embarrassing, but I did it. Now she knows. She told me she was glad I was coming to terms with it and getting help. I feel somewhat better knowing that someone else knows now. I told her I felt like I’ve been lying to everyone. Honesty is important to me. She told me she didn’t feel like I had been lying to her. I’m glad about that. I’m not sure everyone feels that way, though. I mean, I haven’t talked to a lot of people about this yet. I mean all people have to do is read this and HELLO! But I feel like personal conversations are going to have to happen with some people. Maybe not…Am I making too much of this? I think maybe I think this is a bigger deal than it is?? Anyway, honesty…IS a big deal and I feel like I took a …

Day 2

So I feel like this is going pretty well. It’s only day 2, and I don’t want to get too excited or heady because I know it’s going to get rough. There are going to be hard days. I haven’t really had a hard time yet, mostly because there haven’t really been any triggers to speak of the last couple days. Things have been pretty mellow here and also, there isn’t much in the way of junk food that I’m crazy about around, either. That’s how it always starts out though…I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop… **crickets** Talk soon… xx

This Blog

So this blog isn’t going to really be about recipes and food. I mean, there will be some of that, but that isn’t really going to be the major theme. The major theme of this blog is going to be how I got to where I am and the how’s and why’s. How I got to be a binge eater who cannot control my eating. I just recently realized that I really can’t control what and how much I eat the majority of the time. For instance, when I make a pan of brownies up at camp…if we have leftovers, when no one is around I will eat them. And I’m not just talking one or two. I’m talking 4-5. At least. I’m embarrassed to admit that, but it’s true. Same thing with cookies, chips, other things. Salty things, sweet things. Those are my go to’s, I guess is what you would call them. Like, snacky sweet and salty things. Ice cream is a huge one. Ugh! So anyway…before I start thinking about that too …